I Thought Abuse Was “Just” Physical. That’s Why I Started Gaslighter Fighter.

For almost three decades, I stayed in an abusive relationship.

I didn’t understand abuse. I thought it was “just” physical, and that understanding left me unable to recognize abuse in my own relationship. You see, when I was a child, I grew up in a very physically abusive household. That's what I thought "abuse" was. Physical. Oh, there were other forms of abuse that I experienced a witnessed as a child as well - verbal, emotional, financial, psychological, but I focused my understanding only on the physical expression of abuse. This made it difficult for me to understand abuse as a teen and adult.

That is why I started Gaslighter Fighter. I want people to understand abuse sooner than I did. I want to build a place where we can learn from one another, ask questions, and find words for experiences we may not yet understand.

Most of all, I want to build community.

When I say I thought abuse was “just” physical, I’m talking about how narrow my understanding was. Physical abuse is serious. But it isn’t the only kind of abuse, and understanding that matters.

Abuse can involve humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or using money to control another person. It can include monitoring someone’s activities and restricting who they can see. The Public Health Agency of Canada’s guide to family violence explains these forms of abuse, including behaviours that limit a person’s freedom and independence.

Those are things I want us to understand and talk about here.

If we only know one form of abuse, we may struggle to recognize others. We need language that helps us understand what is happening, along with examples that make that language meaningful in everyday life.

I wish I had understood sooner. I can’t change how long it took me, but I can share my experience and help make information easier for someone else to find.

I also want to be careful about what that hope means. Wanting people to recognize abuse earlier does not mean judging anyone for staying. Understanding what is happening and knowing what to do next are different things. This community should have room for people who are uncertain, people who are beginning to ask questions, and people who are still making sense of experiences from years ago.

You don’t need to have everything figured out to be here.

Through this blog and my videos, I want to explore the questions that deserve more attention: what abuse can look like, how gaslighting affects our understanding of our experiences, and how we can support someone we care about without taking away their ability to make their own decisions.

The blog will give me room to go deeper than a short video allows. I’ll share my experiences, explore what I’m learning, and bring in resources that help us understand these topics more clearly.

I want that learning to go both ways. My experience is one experience. Other people will have different stories, questions, and perspectives. My hope is that we can listen with care, resist blaming people for what they didn’t understand, and help one another find useful information and support.

You are welcome to read quietly. You are welcome to ask questions. Sharing personal details is never a requirement for being part of this community.

If you take one thing from this first post, I hope it is this: abuse does not have to be physical to deserve attention, understanding, and support.

It took me almost three decades to understand what I wish I had known much earlier. My hope for Gaslighter Fighter is that someone else can find that understanding sooner—and have a community beside them as they do.

Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.

What would you like to understand better about abuse? Your questions can help shape what we explore next.